Emotionally Focused Therapist navigates through three distinct phases during therapeutic work with couples:

Phase 1: Help the couple to reduce the intensity of interactions.

Phase 2: Help the couple to increase the ability to heal and reconnect.

Phase 3: Learn how to inoculate the relationship and each partner from future distress.

When couples experience hurtful interactions, they should seek outside help. Many couples try to solve relationship problems using skills they learn during their lived experience. Most of the time, these skills are not sufficient to improve relationships. Seeking help early in a relationship conflict will prevent many heartaches and suffering. Do not wait until recovery is difficult or impossible. 

Beginning: Reducing the intensity of interactions (De-escalation)

An Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to stop repetitive hurtful conversations and behaviors by assisting each of them during therapy to:

• • Express their concerns and hurts without blaming, criticizing, or judging anyone. 
  • Identify automatic behaviors that contribute to relationship distress.
  • Explore internal worries and hurts that contribute to hurtful interactions.
  • Uncover longings not met by their partner and explore the need to be connected, intimate, and loving. 

Middle: Increasing the ability to heal and reconnect. (Re-structuring interactions)

The Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to explore ways to recover from hurtful interactions and to keep them from inflicting deep relationship wounds by assisting each of them to:

• • Express their unseen emotions, needs, and desires, especially those they are worried about sharing.
  • Practice acceptance and compassion for themselves and their partner.
  • Learn how to safely share feelings, emotional and physical needs, and desires.

Ending: Protecting the relationship and partner from future distress. (Consolidation of skills)

The Emotionally Focused Therapist helps couples to learn how to:

• • Use the experience gained in therapy to find new solutions to old problems.
  • Develop a new paradigm of interacting that keeps the relationship emotionally safe.
  • Introduce rituals that attend to your partner’s need for love, care, support, and acceptance.
  • Find ways to nourish your relationship for years to come. 

There comes a time in Emotionally Focused Therapy when you say goodbye to your therapist as you can manage the relationship’s ups and downs. With all the experience and knowledge you gained, there will be a time that your relationship may need some help. That is a time to reach out to your Emotionally Focused Therapist and do a quick tune-up for lifelong fulfillment.